Doors

Lyrics can be found here (Click for lyrics)

My my, it’s been quite a little bit without a post again. This maiden went on a temporary hiatus.

Now, the video above. I’m not sure if it will play or not since embedding for it had been disabled for whatever reason. So I improvised. I’ll fix it if it doesn’t work. Fixed.

But about the song. The first time I heard it, I thought, “I have to write about this!” It’s amazing how well I can relate it to myself and many others I know. And even many I don’t.

The song speaks about being placed in front of doors and being lost and confused. And that happens. When given options, there are a lot of us who don’t know just what to choose. Each door opens up a new path. And with that comes new challenges and obstacles to overcome. The question is, do we want to have to deal with those challenges? I’m sure that, like myself, many of you would say “no” and search for an easier way out. But sometimes, the difficult route is the better one. It will open up many more possibilities, both negative and positive, than the simple path would.

The song also talks about how we find it hard to be ourselves. And that’s true. Look at me, for example. I can be myself out in the real world, sure. But am I truly letting my entire self be seen? No. Because I’m afraid. I’m not a risk taker. But I do sometimes wish I was that way. I’m constantly fighting against myself inside my mind. Should I take the risk? Or should I take the easy way out? My masqued self tells me to take the easy route. To not push things. Not change the peace we have now. And yet my real self tells me the opposite. To take the risk. To actually stand apart from everyone and defend myself.

A lot of us do the things we do because we want to fit in with everyone else. To be just like the others. To feel accepted. And I’ve done things like this myself, I will admit. I’ve become the subject of many jokes because I just wanted to be accepted. And I laughed along with them, pretending it didn’t bother me once. My masqued self was fine with it. She decided it was what was right. But my real self was always upset. Brooding because she knew it wasn’t right. Because she knew I should fight for myself, fight back.

To sum it up, I’ll end with the answer to the question asked at the end of the song: "Do you know yourself?”

For me, the answer would probably be that I don’t even know anymore. Both the Masque and my real self are important parts to me. Sometimes I can’t even tell which one is the real one. The mesh and become intertwined sometimes, while at others, they can be so different and clear from each other, it’s a wonder I even thought them to be the same entity. I don’t really know myself. And I’m sure that most of the people living on this earth don’t either. But I can’t really speak for them. I can only speak for myself on this matter.

At times, I wish the Masque wasn’t such a dominant part of me. I wish I could be myself. Say the things I want to say. Stand up and fight back against those who dislike me for whatever reason. But it’s not an easy change to make. It’s probably the most difficult change a person could even attempt. My real self and the masque will continue fighting their battle inside me. I can only hope that one day, my real self will be victorious.

Attention

Has it really been that long since I’ve last made an entry? Goodness. I’d not even realized it. I have realized though, that I have been writing my posts using the “block quote” setting this entire time. I must say, it looked better though. But for now, I’m going to try without that. I feel a little silly now, just realizing this.Though I don’t have many readers anyway, so does it really matter? And it’s my blog, I guess I could write it any way I wanted.

But enough about me. Though I guess that does tie into the topic I want to write about today: Attention whores.

A strange topic, yes. But I had nothing better to write about. And until school starts up again, I probably won’t have much to write about at all. My inspiration is just fading, and fast.

There, I go again, off talking about myself. It probably makes me seem a bit self-centered. And seeing as how all my posts have been primarily about myself so far, I can see how people can lead to think that.

Yes, I am an attention whore. I crave attention, just like a child. I’m very childish, despite my age. And I love getting attention, whether it be positive or negative. Either way. I tend to put myself down because I love the positive comments I get from it (Though, I’d never admit it), though that’s not the only reason, of course. I really do have horribly low self-esteem and self-confidence. Anyway. I also tend to say mean things to people and do mean things to people because I even like the negative attention I get from it. A bit crazy, I guess. I don’t like this method as much as the other, which is why I don’t use it often.

But over the past few weeks, I have met the biggest attention whore imaginable. I thought I was bad, but this guy is much worse. I have never seen such a big seeker of attention before in my life until I met him.

Though he denies it, he is always seeking attention. Every post by this guy screams “Pity me! I’m needy!” He’s constantly spouting stuff about how everyone hates him. How he has no friends. How badly his life sucks. How he screws everything up. How much he hates everyone. And has anyone ever asked him about it? Not once. It’s no wonder everyone on the site hates him. Or at least is very close to it. Another thing nearly everyone hates about him is that he is a troll, though, again, he denies it. And he has no grammar or spelling skills whatsoever. And he’s rude and just all around…well, an attention whore.

Well, enough on this. I’ve been working on this post too long now. I may not be writing another post until school starts up in September. So if I don’t this is a temporary farewell.

Dreams

No song this time around. No real reason, I just don’t want them interfering with one another. That, and I have nothing in mind.

It’s a dreary day today. Wet and rainy and downright disgusting. And so I thought, “What a perfect day for a blog post!” So I’m sat here, lazing around and listening to my music, trying to block out the sounds of the storm outside, when an idea hits me.

I have yet to to a post on dreams.

How I got that from storms and music, I’ve no idea. But then again, my mind is constantly moving from one idea to the next. Ah, the curse of being a writer.

So I shall write about dreams this time around. Now, I myself don’t have a real “dream” in life. That’s probably a little sad, but I’m not going to lie about it. I don’t have the most confidence in everything I do, so I feel there’s no point in putting that microscopic amount that exists into a dream that will more than likely not be achieved. That’s why I’ve given up on trying to achieve things New Year’s resolutions. I feel there’s no point in it when I know it won’t happen.

In case you haven’t realized it yet with my other twelve posts, yes I am a pessimist.

Every now and again, I will make a small pointless goal and try to achieve it. But it’s normally never accomplished, sadly. And just like everything before it, I give up. I find no point in continuing something that will just end in failure.

Yes, I give up way too easily. The pessimism probably has something to do with that.

Ah well. I don’t want to make everyone else’s day really depressing. And if I have, I apologize.

Have a good day, readers!