Can’t Keep Running Away

Can’t Keep Running Away – Eyeshine (Click for Lyrics)

And it’s true, this song is. Everyone has problems. And you can’t keep running away from them. No matter how hard we try, we may be able to evade them for a little while, but eventually they’ll come back to us.

I didn’t really have much to post about this. I just felt I needed to post something, so here you go. But maybe I should actually post a little something on this, huh?

Let’s see…

As the songs states, you can’t keep running from the problems you have. And if you think that it’ll do any good doing so, “You’re so wrong.” It won’t. More than likely, it’ll just make things even worse. I have a ton of problems myself. But not nearly as many as some people I know have. And I feel so bad for them. But you know, they aren’t running and trying to evade their problems. My friends, unlike myself, are the type that face their issues head-on. They accept the fact that they have problems and they try to overcome them as best as possible.

Sadly, I’m kind of the opposite. I am a runner, someone who evades her problems. But they always come back in some way, shape or form. I guess it’s another part of my masque. Smiling, laughing, pretending nothing’s wrong while avoiding the problems I really have with things. It’s sad, really.

But it’s just another part of my masque and it’s not going to change anytime soon. It’s just another bad habit of mine that won’t be easily broken.

I guess that’s all I’ve got to say for now.Until next time, enjoy the song.

In Response to Daikon

This post is in response to Daikon’s post located here. I’ve got a bit to say in response, so a simple comment wouldn’t work. So I shall reply to your thoughts in order. (Also, as a side note to you, Daikon, if you read this, please do not refer to me as my Colorless name. I am known as the Masqued Maiden, nothing more than that. If you’d be so kind as to do that, I’d appreciate it greatly. Thank you.)

If that really is the definition of an idiot, then you are not alone, my friend. And I’m sure there are many more “idiots” like us in the world. People who can’t understand the society we live in today completely,  who don’t like living a “normal” life in this world. I don’t really consider your thoughts those of a mad man, but of a person who is unhappy with how the world is today. I must say, my mindset on the idea isn’t as strong as yours, but I still agree with you nonetheless.

I must say, people should not be afraid to be themselves, to act out in the way that they feel is right. And, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’m kind of one of them. But that is the purpose behind this blog, to break free of that, if only for a few moments while I write this. If you look at my first post here it explains the purpose behind this blog.

I must say though, just because a person acts like someone they aren’t doesn’t quite mean they will have “memories of another person that you have never actually experienced.” Because even if you act like someone else, you’re still making memories that are your own, memories that will never ever belong to anyone else.

I’m one of those people who wear a mask, obviously. Hence why I am called the Masqued Maiden. But that doesn’t mean I’ll live a lonely life and, in the end, die alone. As Kaien Shiba in Bleach once said, “You must never die alone. Your heart will be passed on to your friends. If you pass it on to your friends, then your heart will always live on within them.” Shortened of course, but it still has the same meaning. As long as I have friends and family who love and care for me, whether they are around around at the time or if I’m alone, I’ll never truly have died on my own. Because they are with me in spirit. And even once I’m gone, my heart will have somehow made my way to them. It seems silly, but I do agree with Kaien.

I don’t want to live like someone else. In fact, even the idea seems a little silly. But sometimes in society it is necessary and we do it whether we realize it or not. And yes, it is more than likely due to fear. Not fear of not being ourselves exactly, but fear of being someone different from the rest. But even then we’re never exactly alike, as you claim. We create our little quirks and interests to do that, to distinguish us from the rest of the world. Even just the smallest thing can be the biggest escape.

I don’t really like having to follow along with the crowd either. But you know, Daikon, at times it’s necessary to do so. To get a job, to be respected by people, to do oh so much more. Everyone has a mask of some sort, you included.

As for your requirement for your little gang, I don’t know how many members you’ll obtain, because as mentioned previously, everyone has a mask. And once you own a mask, it can be the hardest thing to get rid of. It isn't easy, let me tell you. I’ve tried in the past, but I’m the type who needs her mask, who can’t live in society without it, as much as I detest it. Life is just so much easier with it, I hate to say. If your little gang is going to blog-based then, I don’t mind participating though. Because after all, my blog and when I’m writing is the only time I can set aside my mask, if only for a few minutes. I’ll wait for you to actually post details before I decide though.

I am not in denial just because I wear a mask. In fact it’s the opposite. I accept the fact that I need a mask to get by in life. And that’s the first step to getting over things, right? But I will agree I am not one of those who wear a constant mask. I’m not one of them, so be grateful. I, too, believe we can spread your ideas and thoughts. They are quite similar to mine, really, though there are a few differences.

You’re quite welcome for reading your post, and I thank you too if you’d read mine as well. Your ideas make some sense to me at least.

I also thank you for actually giving me something to write! I’ve been blank as to what to post as of recently. So you’ve given some inspiration, Daikon, and quite a lot of it. I’m grateful for that.

Memories

It’s amazing how the small things in life can bring back some of the biggest memories. Whether it’s just an action, something you spy out of the corner of your eye, a conversation or a place you haven’t been to in a long while, there can be a memory in anything. For me, a lot of those memories contain my mother.

I lost my mother a few years ago. Nearly seven years have gone past now since then. I’ve changed a lot in that amount of time. And I’m sure she’d be proud. I should probably be posting this closer to the actual date, but the past few days have been big for memories, I guess you could say. So I’ve decided to post this now. When the date comes, I’ll probably post something else.

My mother was always the biggest person in my life. In fact, she was the light in all of our lives. She was so carefree, kind, and willing to do anything for anyone. But more on that later.

A few days ago, my guardian and I had been talking about the old black car that had been my mother’s. After she passed, I claimed that old car for myself. I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world. But currently, it’s in a terrible state, according to the relative whose current possession it’s in. There are a lot of problems with it, like the broken A.C. and more serious things. The two of them, my guardian and my relative, had been talking of trading it in. But they won’t without my consent. They know how I feel about it.

That car holds a lot of memories for me. Of all the places we’d gone, the things we’d done. And just of my mother herself. She loved that car, probably more than I do now. It’s probably one of the closest things I have left to remember her by. But we have to let go of things eventually, right? I knew it wouldn’t last forever; after all, it’s fourteen years old now, that car. I’ve got a big decision to make.

Even before that, we had to take my dog to the vet’s. She’d been sick a while and so we finally took her to figure out what it. Originally, of course, she’d been my mother’s dog. When we found out that she had heart disease, I don’t know what came over me. I sat in the vet’s office and just cried a little. My family had asked what was wrong, but I couldn’t say it. I was scared. Scared of losing that poor dog. I still am. Because that dog is simply another one of the few ties I have left to my mother. I honestly have no idea what I’d do if I lost her. Probably bawl my eyes out for hours and hours on end.

And finally today was another day full of memories. We visited the local nature center today, where my mother used to volunteer at. I couldn’t help but remember the times she used to take me with her. I’d sit with her behind the front desk and click the visitor counter. She’d take me into the back staff room and she let me hold the turtle that used to live in the tank there. That turtle is gone now, sadly. I’m not quite sure what happened to it. At least I still have the memory.

Memories are such strong things. Every thing you say or do, no matter how small, will probably end up being a memory, something you’ll remember for the rest of your lives. Even now, as I’m writing this post and remembering all those memories, tears are spilling from my eyes.

Cherish the things you have while you have them. And never forget them, whether it’s a special item or just a conversation you have with your friends. Everything you say, see, do or own will hold a special memory for you one day.