Worry

I know what it’s like to worry so much that it drives you sick. Maybe not physically, but mentally. I’ve worried so much about my family, and especially my real family, my friends.

Its hard to say I don’t want people to worry about me. I don’t want them to, really, but also, somewhere deep sown inside, I do. It shows me how much people care about me. I go on and on, telling them not to, that I can take care of myself, but the truth behind it all is that I really don’t know if I can take care of myself. I’ve always relied on others to help me out when things get tough. And I’m thankful that they’ve given assistance when I needed it, no questions asked. But then, I’ve realized, it’s just going to be harder for me when it comes time to let go, to really grow up and become an adult.

My legal guardian has enough to worry about without having to worry about me. Her family is having problems financially and she feels she needs to earn more money to support them. I’m not the best student in the world, and I’ve failed many classes this year, and she’s worrying about me doing well in the real world. My siblings have become rebellious teenagers and she’s worried about where they’ll end up in life.

At the very least, I don’t want her to have to worry about me. I can’t really do many things to help with everything else she’s worried about, but at the very least, I don’t want her worrying over me. I’ve vowed this year, my last year of high school, to do better and to prevent her from having to worry over me, even just a little. If it helps ease her heart a little, it’s worth the effort.

And I, myself, have to learn to stop relying on others for everything. I have to learn to grow up, get a job, earn a bit for myself. If I can’t at least get my grades up and do that much, how will I survive out in the big bad world called reality?

I don’t want to be a burden to any one anymore.